I’m running a race on Thursday morning– 4 miles –and I don’t feel at all prepared. I haven’t been running on a regular basis since May or June, just before my summer-long TN flare-up. I just went for a little run today. Sometimes I feel that a short run is more productive than a long run, especially if I can keep running the whole time and take less walk breaks.
The Sunday before last, I went for a run that precipitated a week-long exhaustion, wherein I felt almost continuous “burning” in my face along my trigeminal nerve. This made me a little afraid to run, but I’m still doing it no matter what. I want to run. I love to. I need to.
I just have to tell myself I can do it. Sometimes it’s the message I give myself that’s most important. If I’m feeling down on myself, then I’m less likely to succeed. If I build myself up, I’ll do better. Period.
It rained today, and sprinkled a little bit during my run. Getting my blood pumping made me feel better and woke me up. I love the feeling of running– what I don’t love is the pain that might accompany it.
I think back and remember all the times I ran and felt no pain, all the times I took for granted. Having this disorder– trigeminal neuralgia –has certainly put things in perspective. It makes me more determined to do what I need and want to do, knowing that life is short and I won’t always feel my best.
I accept the strength, love, and medicine the Goddess and Great Spirit gives me. I will not throw that away. I hold it in my heart and in my hand, even if it is not physically there.
Thank you, Spirit. Thank you for the gift of running. And for the medicine you’ve given me this week.